A Clear Head

I prayed for this, I worked on this, I stood still for this.

My cough has dissipated, I am on my third day of monthly  period and I have rested for a few days.

My mind dropped a lot of thoughts. I still have a lot, thank you. But  the calmness of the moment gives me a clear head. Losing attachment to things and people also help. I am ready.

Things are not perfect. I do not have everything I want or need. But I am ready to deal with what comes, not being confused or overwhelmed. I observed that in the past few months, I cowered in fear at the challenges of life. I felt abandoned by the strong force in my life, making me lose direction, focus, no ground. I floated for a while. Last night I felt my feet touch the earth. I can stand tall again on my own life force. I have regained myself.

I want to start with improving my health. I have reached a new consciousness about it, of course, through the health challenges I have had. Lord bless me with continued good health. Sleep has been well, I think that contributes a lot to the body and mind. I rest enough hours, maybe even more than I should, but I am not worried. It has settled quite well.

I take several vitamins and meds. I have the C, B++, E, and  a general multi-cap. BP maintenance has been reduced and doing quite well, too.

Ah, food. That deserves a whole post by itself and so is my new workout program.

Now for work. Thank God for stable internet signal even by broadband. My cellphone signal has improved also, I can now make calls and not get disconnected or get that awful choppy conversations with people making me feel stupid. Today, I have renewed passion for what I do.

With this certain order in my life, I feel the presence of The Holy Spirit. If not, I shout out, and ask Him to a two-way conference. I should do more of that.

That’s it for now. Happy sigh.


They Are Gifts

Presents they are also called. LOL.

My life recently is in chaos. Losing someone, Anxiety, Depression, Lack of Direction in Work, Moving To A New Place, Health Concerns, all while being alone.

I can do badly with these, or I can take up each one, open what each box contains and see it another way.

He did well with me, but he couldn’t stay. The minutes, hours and days spent with him, were memorable. Somebody else has to top that.

Anxiety and Depression stopped by for a visit right after that. They stayed for a while, about 3 months, making me lose direction in work and in life. But I finally beat them at my own game, the game of Life.

Right now, I have a new interest and vigor in what I do for a living, I am enjoying myself and have great plans for the ensuing months. Watch out 2012.

Ah, the new place. The move was not as cathartic as I thought it would be. I did lose myself for a while. I felt weak, fearful and unsure of myself. That too came to pass. I am now making a new life at a new apartment. How cool is that?

I do need to stay the course. But the future is not guaranteed for any of us. I breathe in a new day today 11-11-2011. I have opened my presents and liked not what I initially saw, but in the use they have in making my life better.

Me and Sleep

I feel guilty every time I make it an early night. I am awashed with self-loathing, I slacked up again. I should be awake and working, I should be awake! The book says we must sleep for 8 hours. That is a third of the day, for me, just gone with nothing accomplished. My bad.

Sleeping rejuvenates the body. Sleeping is good for you.  I can Google the benefits of  sleep and pages and pages of articles and notes will come up. They are  probably all true.

I need to change my thinking. I need my 8 hours, everyday. Ok, a lot of times I can’t do that, but I found out, that 6 hours is manageable for me. I feel rested, refreshed and ready for the day. This flu made me extra tired and sleepy. For two (2) days now, I have been taking a snooze, a lot. The cough syrup helps  lull me to sleep, I am sure.

My lofty goals  for the night get transported to dreamland, and even there don’t get done. haha. Ok I am awake now, that’s enough.

Let’s Talk About Health….It’s Time

I have the flu. From a sneeze and cough last week when I was moving, it turned out to be a flu the other night. Snot color code and all, I felt weak, drained, had fever and couldn’t think straight. Aside from the medi I took…. I rested. Just fully spread my foam bed and lay down.

I take this opportunity to take responsibility about my health. It is me, right? I suffer if I neglect my body. So in the spirit of self health care, I commit to making my life sustainable in every possible way. Yay!

I get bouts of cough every 3 – 4 months. 6 months being well is the longest stretch I had. It’s easy to get a cold as I am in a place where there is one  person at least fighting the same battle.  My immune system has to get better. It’s like there is an invisible shield protecting me, even when exposed to the elements and all sort of  free radicals around.

Being in bed, exhausted and sick at 8pm is never a pretty sight.  Now and in the days to come, I am mindful of myself and vow to live a better way.

The Art and Science – Of Being Alone……and Sick

This is just a cough and a cold, nasty a bit with phlegm in my air passage ways. It is without a doubt, discomforting. In this weather we are having in Manila, sunny turned drizzle to heavy rain and back, a lot of people get sick. They don’t stay home. They continue with their activities and contaminate others. I got this one from a neighbor. But, its not him, its me. Or rather, my immune system. The stress of the past few weeks, lowered by immunity. So when other people’s germs are  around, it got me, right when  I was moving.

So, I am in this new place, with a ton of things to do, and I am sick and alone. It has the makings of another downfall. But no, not this time. My whole big bag of emotions won’t come out and mess the place up. I am sick, I get back into health, taking care of myself and kicking this cough’s butt out of here. First off, fluids. I drink a lot of water. Then vitamins, I load up on  C and a multi-lettered magic pill. Clusivol, Pharmaton, or what. I know the arguments on this. I don’t care. I take one each day. I do have to decide whether I take this everyday from now on. In the meantime, it’s conditioning my mind that it will make me well. Think placebo effect, guys. I am going for that.

Well, I can use a hot chicken, no, I want a piping hot tomatoey vegetable soup.  I don’t cook yet here, so, scratch that for now, I will go back to it later. Fruits, I got a papaya and pears. Salad greens and white cheese. I can make a dressing and have that for lunch or dinner.

Got some yesterday


The kicker is this Zithromax thing that B recommended before. He used to get this and bring me. Now, I go to the pharmacy and get it myself. Ahh, they are asking for a prescription, boink. I don’t have any. Can’t Mercury Drug Store see I am self-medicating here. I am doing everything myself. Hmm. No dice.

At 6pm in the evening, I searched for other places where I can score this antibiotic that will kill the germs.  Found azithromycin, that will do. Next off, park myself in bed. Rest my poor battered, body. Turn off the lights, fluff up my pillows, get the dvd running to something I have seen a dozen times, so its a mindless watch. I made a cup of coffee but even before I could take one sip, I was out. Zzzzz.



The whole exercise is the science of getting well with this usual respiratory ailments. The art is in not being engulfed with self-pity, loneliness and neglecting the self. Truly. Dump the baggage of emotion away from you on this one. Heal in the best way you know. Oh, you don’t know? This is not the first time I have had a cold, cough, flu. I am using awareness to do what I need to, for myself. Short of writing the color code of snot.

Clear means its ok, take fluids and vitamins.

Yellow snot means a sinus infection, take Sinutab.

Green means you got bacteria and must take what can get rid of that. Ooops, that is the way of self-medicating. Go to the doctor.

After The Move

I pretty much moved Friday night. Everything in boxes and containers, marked and in my new living room. When the movers put down the last items and left, I am alone with my things. Ha ha.

My cough aggravated and I lay in a heap on the foam mattress in the bedroom. I only opened what I needed to shower, change and  finally rest. Time to take care of me.


This is important, as I wanted to be responsible and not lose a day of work even with what’s going on. So I continued with my meetings and errands for the day. By 5pm though, my cough was so bad and I am hungry. Time to sign off on work again.

I instantly liked my bedroom, spacious enough to move around, lounge on the floor with pillows, a muted lamp light and go online or listen to music. Meaning, I am home. Take out dinner, coffee and  that is my first real night there . Thank you Lord!


What’s next is really not about unpacking but using the power of a new home to help me make the changes I want in my life. I can do it anywhere, anytime of course but there is something exciting and different with a new environment. It acts as a trigger and brings enthusiasm, hope and stronger presence.


This is right now, as I blog. Sheepishly, I must admit, I have no clue why tomorrow, is a non-working holiday. But I like it,  a long weekend. I have church this morning, lunch, then getting clear how to proceed with my life.

A Defining Moment

I am moving apartments.

Believe me, I wasn’t excited about it. I hired a couple of people to do my packing. Why? My place at one time or another looked like this:

Gwyneth Paltrow (like me)

But mine were in bookshelves.

Still, imagine packing twice, maybe three times that.

Ok, you get the picture. Over the years, I have accumulated a lot of books. They offer comfort, understanding, peace and well….knowledge.

Books are to me, what shoes are to Carrie Bradshaw.

In this move, I have 65 boxes and cartons. All books and periodicals, magazines. I am not one for love or fiction books. Although I have  a couple by Jeffrey Archer (Kane and Abel and The Prodigal Daughter) and Dan Brown ( Da Vinci Code) where through its media buzz, made me buy and read it.

I have a lot of cookbooks. Of course.

I also have marketing, sales and psychology books. Sssseeeelllllf Heeeelp (don’t shoot me) and Christian/Religious Books have been staple read for years. Recently I have nutrition and wellness ones . Gosh, I am uncomfortable discussing this. It’s like I am describing to you what I have in my goodie drawer.

I want to get rid of them. I feel like I have gotten what I want from them and now its all mute.  Truly  confusing time, this is. Again, it is whispered, from chaos, get it in order. Speak your truth, my truth. I do not want these anymore.

Want do I want? I want to live what these books and papers say. It is all in me, with me, as me.  Been doing a lot of armchair living I see. No more. Making this move has not be a breeze. Not like in my coming here 2 years ago. Now I understand why. Had this been easy, with a herd of helpers sweeping and carrying stuff, it would have been easy. They would be bringing all my crap, just throwing everything in the boxes and taking it out in the truck. Then I would just be carrying it to the new apartment.

This time I have to be selective. Not everything comes with me inside. Most of the stuff will be in storage for a while until I can sort them all out. It has to be this way. I cannot keep them, they are not mine anymore.