My Life Is Evolving

If I would compare my life to a car travel from point A to B, I say I am on 20km per hour with the vehicle morphing from a blue Toyota to a red Fiat, then a Grey Honda then into something again. I make that description because that’s what it feels like to me. The speed at which I head on to accomplishing my goals is slow but I myself, where I am in, is transforming. I find it worthy to note as its shaking the core of my being.

I am a domestic violence victor. The label does not define me, but will always be a part of me, for the rest of my life. It has to. From being a victim, I am now empowered and I take the experience as a wake up call or source of my awareness. I behave the way I do now because of what I was in the past.

I am also a negotiator, I always work on win-win relationships with people and transactions. From conflict situations, I resolve things and get happy endings. Or  make sure you get something out of it in the end. We don’t usually burn bridges but  open future tie-ups with the other side.  Running away from you when I see you on the street is not my style. I come up and say hello.

I value expression. As it is, I am still not the high-flyer I envisioned myself to be, but what I can do now, I want to freely engage in. The cliche is, its a matter of perspective. I of course, call it the SHIFT. I am in a new relationship. Whatever I am in, I don’t want to ever describe it as complicated, so I am doing my darned best thing to make it harmonious. From a whole with myself, I am now a part of a whole with someone else. Yippee. Answered prayer. God gave me him. God also gave me everything that went with him. It’s the same the other way around  with him, but as this is my space, its about me, the dynamics of me with him.

So, while I head on to my goals for 2012, I am also rearranging a few things along the way. Everything is  being processed in my head right now.  I hope to be clear about it in a few days, God help me make it only a few days.

POSTSCRIPT

A thought came by: Go inward rather than going outward.

Then after some time, discussion ensued. All is well and clear. We have come to a happy agreement.

Anxiety No More

I observed myself for the whole time since I last posted and now confident enough to say this. Yes, my anxiety feeling is gone. I haven’t had any panic attacks or spinning moments since early December. Life concerns are still the same and been doing the daily grind but its been emotionally manageable. In fact, truth be told, I am happy.

I haven’t turned to food in a bad way. No emotional eating except a day when I craved for ice cream, but that was PMS. I don’t smoke and I don’t drink alcohol on a regular basis. I have a bottle of vodka and tequila for making cocktails but I haven’t fixed myself a drink yet. The only movie I saw this month is Underworld, The Awakening. That movie got stale for me. So what gives?

I ( and most likely you) know what to do but I haven’t done it until lately. Totally let go of what was making me tied up in knots. Let go and let God is a sentence we all have heard before. Its what cliches are made of. But, its true. When we get to the core of what and who we are, we know. So, I detached. I accepted, I don’t have control of things and I just let it go the way it wants to go. Today, it doesn’t have to be the way I wanted to, it is just is.

I have emptied my cup. I am filling it up anew. New friendships, new relationships, new things to do, or just a different way of doing the same thing.

Next, feel the power. Feel the power…..of LOVE. See? another cliche. But, still true.

I am truly loved.  (Check that out in Google. It is a whole website full of enlightening articles).

My affection is received too. (The giving is welcomed, I mean). Who? By all of you. Isn’t that wonderful?

I have been moving around with a purpose, that takes out the hopeless feeling and believing that being proactive about life concerns removes the anxious emotions. Its called EMPOWERMENT. Being above thought rather than below. Fight things with all you’ve got. Be victorious.

I was stirring a pot of stew, intent on getting the right taste and texture for the sauce, when in my mind I realized that  a way to deal with anxiety is to take charge and master the needed skill to topple over the defeating emotions of anxiety that is based on not being able to do or handle the situation. Sometimes we really have to deal with it, but with  tools and skills to achieve results.

I still got a ton of things to fix in life. They didn’t disappear or got solved already. Far from it. But here is another cliche that works, its how I react to them that matters. Its my CHOICE.

Duh.