Ready For More

Imagine, last year I was experiencing panic attacks and spinning in the middle of the street, feeling all clammy and shaky. Now, I am ready to take on the world and things have been on the upswing. Amazing.

2012 has been one curly roller coaster ride. I hope to untangle memories and share with you some wonderful lessons I have learned… the hard way, mate. Hmmm.

 

The year is not over yet .

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It Gets Better And Better

…and the light switch gets turned on.

In the past few months, I have managed to do further clean-up, in my mind, my environment and in my relationships. My wellness regimen is on the upswing and I practice no attachment . Let go, let flow.

I write to give a heads up to the process. Last year I have battled anxiety and awareness helped in bringing it to the light.

Now I focus on the present moment and concentrate on work, more exercise, quiet time and meditation. SELF-CARE in all caps.

It has been raining a lot and I am in coffee shops more times than I want to, but I am blessed. I am here, when others are so affected by the rains and have to flee their flooded homes. I am grateful.

I look out the window and see a beautiful city. Its new, modern, dynamic and I am a part of it.

My new life has truly begun.

xoxo

Spend money mindfully to stress less

The Chart

Editor’s note: CNN contributor Amanda Enayati ponders the theme of seeking serenity: the quest for well-being and life balance in stressful times.

Would you consider embarking upon a mindful spending challenge?

In poll after poll, Americans say that the state of their finances is one of the biggest sources of their stress.

“People are spending money they do not have to buy things they may not need,” observed Tony Wagner, Innovation Education Fellow at Harvard’s Technology & Entrepreneurship Center and author of “Creating Innovators: The Making of Young People Who Will Change the World,” during our recent interview.

While researching his book, Wagner discovered that more than 70% of our economy is based on consumer spending. Increasingly, over the last 20 or so years, that consumer spending has been fueled by debt. The savings rate in 2007, immediately before the economic collapse we are still slogging through, was negative…

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International Women’s Day 2012

It’s today, March 8, the International Women’s Day. It is celebrated all over the world to honor women. I am sure there are so many events happening every where to commemorate and give special treatment to woman kind.

Well, I go through my usual day, with a sprained ankle I got yesterday. I twisted it walking over uneven cement road. My right pinky toe is still broken from hitting a metal chair last Monday. So over all, I have a busted right foot. I have a pile of paperwork on my table and some virus issues in my laptop. So by itself, it is pretty toxic.

But I am not gonna take shit from anybody today. I will celebrate my life as a woman. For what it’s worth, I have accomplished a lot. I am an independent single mother, I have endured and triumped over domestic violence, gone through depression and just got over having anxiety attacks. I have coached myself, with the help of some good-meaning friends out of the doldrums and moving along in 2012.

To put it simply, I am going to be kind to myself. It’s a conscious effort, as I, like other women are nurturers. We take care of a lot things and a lot of other people first. Their needs before mine. Well, I am not ignoring anything at all, I am just going to focus on my own well-being.  This must be an everyday thing, not just for today. It’s a nice feeling, actually. I feel kinda beat-up. So I will nourish myself back to good health, joyful feeling and blissful life.

My Life Is Evolving

If I would compare my life to a car travel from point A to B, I say I am on 20km per hour with the vehicle morphing from a blue Toyota to a red Fiat, then a Grey Honda then into something again. I make that description because that’s what it feels like to me. The speed at which I head on to accomplishing my goals is slow but I myself, where I am in, is transforming. I find it worthy to note as its shaking the core of my being.

I am a domestic violence victor. The label does not define me, but will always be a part of me, for the rest of my life. It has to. From being a victim, I am now empowered and I take the experience as a wake up call or source of my awareness. I behave the way I do now because of what I was in the past.

I am also a negotiator, I always work on win-win relationships with people and transactions. From conflict situations, I resolve things and get happy endings. Or  make sure you get something out of it in the end. We don’t usually burn bridges but  open future tie-ups with the other side.  Running away from you when I see you on the street is not my style. I come up and say hello.

I value expression. As it is, I am still not the high-flyer I envisioned myself to be, but what I can do now, I want to freely engage in. The cliche is, its a matter of perspective. I of course, call it the SHIFT. I am in a new relationship. Whatever I am in, I don’t want to ever describe it as complicated, so I am doing my darned best thing to make it harmonious. From a whole with myself, I am now a part of a whole with someone else. Yippee. Answered prayer. God gave me him. God also gave me everything that went with him. It’s the same the other way around  with him, but as this is my space, its about me, the dynamics of me with him.

So, while I head on to my goals for 2012, I am also rearranging a few things along the way. Everything is  being processed in my head right now.  I hope to be clear about it in a few days, God help me make it only a few days.

POSTSCRIPT

A thought came by: Go inward rather than going outward.

Then after some time, discussion ensued. All is well and clear. We have come to a happy agreement.

A Clear Head

I prayed for this, I worked on this, I stood still for this.

My cough has dissipated, I am on my third day of monthly  period and I have rested for a few days.

My mind dropped a lot of thoughts. I still have a lot, thank you. But  the calmness of the moment gives me a clear head. Losing attachment to things and people also help. I am ready.

Things are not perfect. I do not have everything I want or need. But I am ready to deal with what comes, not being confused or overwhelmed. I observed that in the past few months, I cowered in fear at the challenges of life. I felt abandoned by the strong force in my life, making me lose direction, focus, no ground. I floated for a while. Last night I felt my feet touch the earth. I can stand tall again on my own life force. I have regained myself.

I want to start with improving my health. I have reached a new consciousness about it, of course, through the health challenges I have had. Lord bless me with continued good health. Sleep has been well, I think that contributes a lot to the body and mind. I rest enough hours, maybe even more than I should, but I am not worried. It has settled quite well.

I take several vitamins and meds. I have the C, B++, E, and  a general multi-cap. BP maintenance has been reduced and doing quite well, too.

Ah, food. That deserves a whole post by itself and so is my new workout program.

Now for work. Thank God for stable internet signal even by broadband. My cellphone signal has improved also, I can now make calls and not get disconnected or get that awful choppy conversations with people making me feel stupid. Today, I have renewed passion for what I do.

With this certain order in my life, I feel the presence of The Holy Spirit. If not, I shout out, and ask Him to a two-way conference. I should do more of that.

That’s it for now. Happy sigh.

The Art and Science – Of Being Alone……and Sick

This is just a cough and a cold, nasty a bit with phlegm in my air passage ways. It is without a doubt, discomforting. In this weather we are having in Manila, sunny turned drizzle to heavy rain and back, a lot of people get sick. They don’t stay home. They continue with their activities and contaminate others. I got this one from a neighbor. But, its not him, its me. Or rather, my immune system. The stress of the past few weeks, lowered by immunity. So when other people’s germs are  around, it got me, right when  I was moving.

So, I am in this new place, with a ton of things to do, and I am sick and alone. It has the makings of another downfall. But no, not this time. My whole big bag of emotions won’t come out and mess the place up. I am sick, I get back into health, taking care of myself and kicking this cough’s butt out of here. First off, fluids. I drink a lot of water. Then vitamins, I load up on  C and a multi-lettered magic pill. Clusivol, Pharmaton, or what. I know the arguments on this. I don’t care. I take one each day. I do have to decide whether I take this everyday from now on. In the meantime, it’s conditioning my mind that it will make me well. Think placebo effect, guys. I am going for that.

Well, I can use a hot chicken, no, I want a piping hot tomatoey vegetable soup.  I don’t cook yet here, so, scratch that for now, I will go back to it later. Fruits, I got a papaya and pears. Salad greens and white cheese. I can make a dressing and have that for lunch or dinner.

Got some yesterday

 

The kicker is this Zithromax thing that B recommended before. He used to get this and bring me. Now, I go to the pharmacy and get it myself. Ahh, they are asking for a prescription, boink. I don’t have any. Can’t Mercury Drug Store see I am self-medicating here. I am doing everything myself. Hmm. No dice.

At 6pm in the evening, I searched for other places where I can score this antibiotic that will kill the germs.  Found azithromycin, that will do. Next off, park myself in bed. Rest my poor battered, body. Turn off the lights, fluff up my pillows, get the dvd running to something I have seen a dozen times, so its a mindless watch. I made a cup of coffee but even before I could take one sip, I was out. Zzzzz.

Bedroom

 

The whole exercise is the science of getting well with this usual respiratory ailments. The art is in not being engulfed with self-pity, loneliness and neglecting the self. Truly. Dump the baggage of emotion away from you on this one. Heal in the best way you know. Oh, you don’t know? This is not the first time I have had a cold, cough, flu. I am using awareness to do what I need to, for myself. Short of writing the color code of snot.

Clear means its ok, take fluids and vitamins.

Yellow snot means a sinus infection, take Sinutab.

Green means you got bacteria and must take what can get rid of that. Ooops, that is the way of self-medicating. Go to the doctor.