Ready For More

Imagine, last year I was experiencing panic attacks and spinning in the middle of the street, feeling all clammy and shaky. Now, I am ready to take on the world and things have been on the upswing. Amazing.

2012 has been one curly roller coaster ride. I hope to untangle memories and share with you some wonderful lessons I have learned… the hard way, mate. Hmmm.

 

The year is not over yet .

International Women’s Day 2012

It’s today, March 8, the International Women’s Day. It is celebrated all over the world to honor women. I am sure there are so many events happening every where to commemorate and give special treatment to woman kind.

Well, I go through my usual day, with a sprained ankle I got yesterday. I twisted it walking over uneven cement road. My right pinky toe is still broken from hitting a metal chair last Monday. So over all, I have a busted right foot. I have a pile of paperwork on my table and some virus issues in my laptop. So by itself, it is pretty toxic.

But I am not gonna take shit from anybody today. I will celebrate my life as a woman. For what it’s worth, I have accomplished a lot. I am an independent single mother, I have endured and triumped over domestic violence, gone through depression and just got over having anxiety attacks. I have coached myself, with the help of some good-meaning friends out of the doldrums and moving along in 2012.

To put it simply, I am going to be kind to myself. It’s a conscious effort, as I, like other women are nurturers. We take care of a lot things and a lot of other people first. Their needs before mine. Well, I am not ignoring anything at all, I am just going to focus on my own well-being.  This must be an everyday thing, not just for today. It’s a nice feeling, actually. I feel kinda beat-up. So I will nourish myself back to good health, joyful feeling and blissful life.

My Life Is Evolving

If I would compare my life to a car travel from point A to B, I say I am on 20km per hour with the vehicle morphing from a blue Toyota to a red Fiat, then a Grey Honda then into something again. I make that description because that’s what it feels like to me. The speed at which I head on to accomplishing my goals is slow but I myself, where I am in, is transforming. I find it worthy to note as its shaking the core of my being.

I am a domestic violence victor. The label does not define me, but will always be a part of me, for the rest of my life. It has to. From being a victim, I am now empowered and I take the experience as a wake up call or source of my awareness. I behave the way I do now because of what I was in the past.

I am also a negotiator, I always work on win-win relationships with people and transactions. From conflict situations, I resolve things and get happy endings. Or  make sure you get something out of it in the end. We don’t usually burn bridges but  open future tie-ups with the other side.  Running away from you when I see you on the street is not my style. I come up and say hello.

I value expression. As it is, I am still not the high-flyer I envisioned myself to be, but what I can do now, I want to freely engage in. The cliche is, its a matter of perspective. I of course, call it the SHIFT. I am in a new relationship. Whatever I am in, I don’t want to ever describe it as complicated, so I am doing my darned best thing to make it harmonious. From a whole with myself, I am now a part of a whole with someone else. Yippee. Answered prayer. God gave me him. God also gave me everything that went with him. It’s the same the other way around  with him, but as this is my space, its about me, the dynamics of me with him.

So, while I head on to my goals for 2012, I am also rearranging a few things along the way. Everything is  being processed in my head right now.  I hope to be clear about it in a few days, God help me make it only a few days.

POSTSCRIPT

A thought came by: Go inward rather than going outward.

Then after some time, discussion ensued. All is well and clear. We have come to a happy agreement.

The Rest Of The Year Is IN Today

The first week of 2012 has been. Today is Friday, January 6. I dare say we are on to the rest of the year. The New Year has gone. I was one of those who was so eager to get rid of 2011 and did my utmost to revel and welcome the first day of January. Woohoo. I partied with people, prepared my year’s goals and actually started to make life changes back  in November. So for some of the things I do, like wellness, yoga, eating healthy, reading more how to take care of myself, etc., those are well underway.

Manila New Year Fireworks

I didn’t really start anything last January 1. The change in time from year-ender to start of the next year naturally occurs. We cannot stop it from happening. Even those who were having  great luck in 2011 couldn’t stay in that year, we all move on together. With it, the season goes on too, giving us the atmosphere and weather we are familiar with, well almost. Rain in December is unusual for most of us Filipinos.

I have to admit, I have a lot things I want to accomplish in 2012. In my head, I have the year to do all of them, or at least most of what is in my list.  BOINK!&/?! Every goal-setting, success, life-coach and guru will tell me, no, I don’t have the future to do even any of them. I don’t start somewhere there in the next months. I start here, now. Oh but I can’t, I don’t have what I need, I am waiting for this, that, something has to happen first, its complicated and I have to untangle a million and one before I can get to do that. I have to buy this gadget, learn how to set it, practice some more, lose a lot , blah blah blah.

Whew! Stop!

Stop. Breathe.

Breathe again.

Hahaha.

I tune out all those thoughts and get quiet with myself.

Today is all I have. Now, this moment. What do I do? I do something right now, this day,  a small thing that is a step to my goals. Pick it up, stand up, bend, put on, set aside, notice.  Breathe. Do something again. Smile.

A map or the big picture of the overall goals help. (More on that later.)

In a nutshell: I start where I am and with what I’ve got. 😉