It Gets Better And Better

…and the light switch gets turned on.

In the past few months, I have managed to do further clean-up, in my mind, my environment and in my relationships. My wellness regimen is on the upswing and I practice no attachment . Let go, let flow.

I write to give a heads up to the process. Last year I have battled anxiety and awareness helped in bringing it to the light.

Now I focus on the present moment and concentrate on work, more exercise, quiet time and meditation. SELF-CARE in all caps.

It has been raining a lot and I am in coffee shops more times than I want to, but I am blessed. I am here, when others are so affected by the rains and have to flee their flooded homes. I am grateful.

I look out the window and see a beautiful city. Its new, modern, dynamic and I am a part of it.

My new life has truly begun.

xoxo

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Remember To: LIVE!

We recall our departed every November 1, whatever day that may fall in the Roman Calendar.  Filipinos travel back to their hometowns, where their families are from over the 7,100 islands of the archipelago. Those who have migrated or established new roots would go where that family is now. Others stay where they are, not to visit graves in cemeteries, but still  remember those they loved that have past on. At sundown, we light candles and pray for their souls.

I wasn’t comfortable taking pictures of cemeteries, so there isn’t one here.

In my family, my younger brother, Cris died when he was 31. Before him, my grandmother and grandfather who raised us, and recently, my stepfather Alex, who just died a year ago. So I light 4 candles.

Candles

I light an extra candle, and this I will watch till its all melted down and flickers off into the darkness. I say goodbye to my old dead self. Fear, anger, regret, depression all contribute to one’s living death. I have grieved too long, kept the the thoughts far too much and over stayed where I am. I have done the healing,  forgiven and let go of the past hurt. Whatever is left, is gonna go away,  like the wax dripping down and disappearing.

NEW LIFE!

I give a new life to myself. Earlier,  I got the keys to the new condo and I can move already. It is going to take me a few days to fully transfer, but I am underway.

I know why I am really anxious. It is not lost to me the real reason. Holding on to it just prolongs the panic attacks and the life not lived. So, it is marked. Today, I lay down the dead and go with my new self.

Will the panic attacks just be gone? Will I always be happy? Is it over just like that?  I will let you know at the end of the week.

Hello world!

This is a very personal blog.

For sometime, as a domestic violence survivor, I had been stuck in the past. It was horrific, life stopping and a totally draining experience. But I came out of it with nothing but my broken self that I knew  I would piece together again  one day. The time it took to grieve  and accept the loss is exactly what is needed, and I am not about to question that.

I am now in the present. I know that the moment I am, I will  make an effort of connecting to myself this way.

This blog is born at a time that the chaos in my life is about making the changes about me. There is no one else involved. It is my personal time. I can do anything I want, go anywhere it suits me and just live it up. I do have a lot of lofty pursuits lined up.

But I start where I am and with what I’ve got. I have to be patient and let the process unfold.

Stay with me.

(Jupiter Image)